fuzztastic game reviews!: METRO 2033 (russians in tunnels and a severe lack of ammo)

Thursday, 13 December 2012

hello ladies, gentlemen and bryss.
yes your name is now artyom and your welcome to this review!

welcome to fuzztastic game reviews. because its getting rather cold, and i think you would all appreciate your favourite blogger (wait what?!, okay 2nd favourite blogger? 3rd? oh well) doing some reviews of the best new, old and fantastic games that you can play! (and metro is free on facebook to download a steam code for PC, link at the bottom!)
*DISCLAMER metro 2033 is a 18 and the screenshots below may contain blood or violence!*
* but no plot spoilers*
reviewed with
-graphics+setting (look i know good graphics dont make a good game but feth it if it can be pretty it will be!)

so what to kick off this fantastic season? why Metro 2033 of course! (and totally not because im sorta addicted to it atm.)
now to clear things up before we begin i am a PC gamer, i may occasionally do something for the PS3, phone or DS but most of the time i review the game for PC, but fear not dirty console peasants Console gamers! Most of the games i will review are available for your 360/PS3.

crawling through tunnels with my freindly whiskey bottle, bourbon. or is that his name. im russian so hes probably drunk. or am i drunk. i really dont know. that would explain a lot.

Now, where were we? oh yes metro. or as i like to call it ohf*ckohf*ck OH F*CK i have no ammo and that thing is running at me and its dark and my gasmask is broke and i need help. oh and were in post apoc Moscow and everyone's speaking Russian and what was that im scared.

GAMEPLAY(the important bit)

gameplay is frantic, fast, stealthy and even on normal is challenging. you see this is one of the few games for which 'normal' is actually normal. yes you will die. it will be tricky but its balanced so you WILL make it. (most of the time) without ragequits, as opposed to many modern shooters which 'normal' is essentially easy mode.

contaminated water. not deadly just REALLY ANNOYING.
telling a story, keeping you in 1st person, and the object off screen. subtle and fantastic! 
Its a bizarre mix of stealth/shooter but for once it was fun. your not stealthing so some invisible alarm will not go off and summon invincible enemies, your stealthing because its the best way to kill, you could run into that bandit ambush but unsurprisingly those bandits will shoot you.and unsurprisingly as a regular guy in a jacket bullets will kill you. but fights are frantic. ive only encountered 2 enemy types properly: Bandits and Mutants.

Bandit fights are fairly standard fare, possibly a bit more clever than most shooters but still the standard (they will hide and pop out to shoot, you do the same) with the occasional flank and charge to spice it up. the fun thing about fighting bandits it the fun of looting corpses (yay) because in this game ammo is scarce (more on that later)

Mutant fights are entirely different breed, and not just literally  apart from the 1 or 2 fights where i have sniped them with a silenced revolver rifle, and their friends have just casually watched. most of the mutant fights are  a easy trickle of mutants slowly turning into a frantic emptying of revolver shells into mutated zombie skull!

gasmask. your best friend considering it will be sitting on your face for most of the game. and blurring your vision.
the downside of fighting mutants is after going dakka dakka dakka and wasting all your bullets, well you cant really loot bullets off zombie dogs can you?

Finally the best bit of the game-play in my opinion: bullets! saaay whaaaat?! i hear you cry but listen, in metros dark depressing post-apocalyptic moscow pre-apocalypse bullets are rare and a form of currency, and can be used in a tense firefight. crappy new bullets are what you shoot but you can trade these for the shiny ones ^_^ it does sound odd but it really is one of the most interesting mechanics! as well as quirky mechanics like a readable diary, a lighter and gasmasks!
the quircky sort of mechanics that i do really love :D

sadly the friendly AI seems to be somewhat crap, and sometimes if you snipe enemies their friends wont notice.


well you can see the pretty graphics in the photos. yep some of the textures are starting to age but it does look pretty and its not brown! HUZZAH. the graphics shown here are without mods, only running on high (not v.high or ultra) 1080p and without DX11 or super fance AA.

and these are the sort of morbid but characterful details that make it soo fun to explore :D
the setting is something else, whether its the cold dead tunnels, the bustling slum stations or the ruined city above it just oozes atmosphere, the music, sound effects and sheer tension from lack of resources truly make the setting remarkable, whilst the  same character models are often recycled  breaking the immersion the locations and flashbacks really do make it fun, and the extra little details in level design truly stand out.
the gun and equipment design too really shine, everything looks like it was cobbled together and is falling apart! perfect for some post-apoc moscowness! or is it just regular moscowness? or is this what i should call a great scottish loch? moscow-ness?
hello talking whisky bottle. you dont need your torch, your outside. silly whisky bottle


not much im afraid! as a PC enthusiast i do enjoy the benchmarking software included, as well as the excellent  option to have everyone speak Russian with English subs (no other game has called me a w*nker in Russian before!
go home tardis you are drunk. the doctor isnt here. this is too depressing for you . go back to England and drink tea and fight daleks.

silly tardis.

whist there are some crappy friendly AI, occasional lack of knowing what to do and lack of real tutorials this is a remarkable game! the pacing, action and realism were phenomenal  rarely in games do i feel like it really is me and not just some character, i got attacked by a mutant and knocked off a cart, was it scripted, was i just bad at shooting? i dont know but it fitted so smoothly together that it felt natural! the visuals and gunplay too are excellent and the atmosphere is the greatest ive ever encountered in any game ever!
suprise panda! come on guys you knew this was coming. and no there are no pandas in metro :( i need to mod in like a pet one.

fuzzy choice!

this is the fuzzy gun. i dont trust myself with the laser ball cannon thing or the machine gun. 

well its free on facebook now!

i hope you enjoyed this review :D

-fuzz ^_^

p.s. no im not using a super powered hyper rig. im on a PC that would cost less than £300 atm (its like 5 years old.) ( intel 2 quad core, 8gb vengance ram, asus 4770 formula, asus striker 2 extreme mobo, ace 650W PSU, and the CPU fan is dying and its got crap ventilation.)
p.p.s. all screenshots were taken by me like a hour ago.


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